


you wanted to touch his hands and lips (your life is over anyway)

by komorebim



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Drabble, First Kiss, I feel disappointed by the lack of sungpil, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Blood, more like metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 06:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11983644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komorebim/pseuds/komorebim
Summary: "you know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy, unless he keeps his mouth shut, which is what you didn’t do, because you are weak and hollow and it doesn’t matter anymore." - r.s





	you wanted to touch his hands and lips (your life is over anyway)

**Author's Note:**

> So this drabble happened because I was watching What Can I Do's mv earlier and then i started re-reading Richard Siken's book Crush, the poem i got inspired by is "A Primer For The Small Weird Loves" more specifically the first part of it, if you haven't read this book I highly recommend it because it's amazing.  
> I also used a line of it for the title.  
> Keep in mind that this is a word vomit.

Wonpil clenches his teeth and feels too much, feels his molars grind and his jaw lock but he also feels his chest heave and his palms sweat and he swears he didn’t mean to spill the truth, he didn’t mean to bring every secret he worked hard to keep into light, how he wants to kiss and bite and scratch soft pale skin.

Sungjin is looking at him.

He’s looking at him, looking at his soul, and maybe if Wonpil tried harder, he wouldn’t be bleeding his heart out in front of the boy he swore he would never talk to.

Because Wonpil knows himself, he knows how much he wants to kiss Sungjin, how much he would like to tell him that if he ripped his skin out he would see his blood screaming his love for him, the characters of his name engraved into his molecules.

And fuck if Wonpil isn’t stupid enough to tell him that the moment that they connect their eyes, and he does and he wishes he regrets it but he doesn’t, he doesn’t and maybe that’s why he should regret it in the first place.

Because Sungjin is quiet, too quiet for a school hallway, too quiet for the place under the stairs Wonpil found him in, unintentionally that is.

Because if he knew he would find Sungjin here he would’ve fled, maybe under his bed where he knows dark things hide and he knows they would hurt him less than Sungjin’s eyes and how he’s  looking at him. Because he knows things like him are wrong and dirty and he should be gone he shouldn’t taint Sungjin like this, shouldn’t smear his blood on the other.

But Sungjin reaches out and Wonpil is shaking, he knows he is and he’s afraid that he’s going to fall apart if their skin touch, but he doesn’t, he really doesn’t but his body is still rattling like an old machine and maybe that’s what he is, because he’s forgotten how to work properly, doesn’t know the difference between love and dreaming, but they might as well be the same thing when Sungjin is kissing him.

When he’s feeling the cold stone wall against his burning skin and Sungjin’s breaths are filling his lungs, when there’s hands touching, groping, shaking desperately as they press closer together, Wonpil is afraid, he’s so afraid because if this is an illusion he might break apart and he doesn’t think he can handle it, he can’t.

But Sungjin whispers against his lips, “Focus on me, only on me, I love you, I love these hands and I love these eyes and I love every pore,” And he asks himself if the universe is fucked up, because there is no way Sungjin has spent as many nights as he has wondering if he’s a mistake, if his heart beating for him is a mistake, but he shuts up instead and lets Sungjin kiss him all the way to every galaxy known and unknown to men.

But if it’s Sungjin going up with him then it might be a beautiful thing, he can feel the stars pouring out of their tongues and it doesn’t taste like blood for once, it tastes like a whole cosmos.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it, please comment!


End file.
